he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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