im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just puked most of my soul out..
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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