so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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