He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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