Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Even my vagina gasped.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
