Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
