Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
pop tarts are not kleenex
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
