We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
