We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
