Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
