I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
