sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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