when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
