if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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