Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
