As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
