There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i came on her dog
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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