Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
