Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
