never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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