Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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