She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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