Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
