If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
