Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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