I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize