I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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