i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
