My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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