Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
