he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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