I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
