i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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