Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
