Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
