I just gift wrapped bread.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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