Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Found your dick twin last night
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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