Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
