You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
