I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
