I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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