I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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