Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I am midnight drunk by noon
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
