last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize