I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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