ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
