Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
