We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
