I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize