Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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