you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
