Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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