i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
