I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
