Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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