I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
