My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
