sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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