I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
