Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
