he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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