That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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