Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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