i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
That's how pantless uber rides happen
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
