I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
