Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
