First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize