Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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