if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
