If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
