we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
