I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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