you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
