The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
