And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
