If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
