just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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