So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
