Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I love having hate sex.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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