i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize